-=- 14/1/21 -- 17:20 -=-


Deleuze looks like Joker. u can't change my mindd.

-=- 9/1/21 -- 13:36 -=-


random thing i do:

trying to see if, when i select one half of a youtube video title, it aligns with the other half.

-=- 7/1/21 -- 01:01 -=-


Actually i lied a little bit in the note from yesterday. There's no type of writing that comes natural to me in any way.
So often do i sit or walk or lie or run or float there and think "wao jule, thats such cool thing ur thinking rigth now" and then my day just continues ( ̄ー ̄). I so rarely make it an effort to write down anything, that I regularly ...forget. David would Lynch himself in my brain.
But if I don't also start writing down all the stupid and pointless things i'm thinking, this process will never start becoming natural to me.
I will never ba a natural (< its a reference).

ah frik, sth just landed on my head and i don't know what, i should probably stop leaving it so wide open (._.)

-=- 6/1/21 -- 02:23 -=-


I don't know how to write. I either do it in a pragmatic, robotic, lifeless, nerdwritish way, or in a weird, random, metaphoric baby speech. The former feels easier, while the latter feels more natural to me. But both are terrible at getting something across. Again, the former is too basic, while the latter is too confusing.
English is not my mother tongue and, while I don't have any particular reading disorders, my lightspeed carnival-brain has always made it an energy draining and time consuming task, at least if my goal was to retrieve any amount of substance from the texts. So naturally, my experience and especially confidence in this art is lacking. This bothers me to infinity.
My hope with this journal is to maybe overcome these stupid things that my mind does, at least to some degree. (this is somthing I do a lot, innit. "at least", "maybe", "might", "probably", "it seems", "to an extent", "to a degree", "somewhat", "somehow", "relatively", "possibly", "kind of", "sort of")
Writing more mindfully to properly reflect the fullness of my mind. A fullness that, looking at it properly, reveals an even deeper emptiness.
A pot with maximum drainage, it might as well not even exist.

-=- 30/12/20 -- 20:08 -=-


PS5 unboxing videos are probably the most exemplary case of pure ideology today.
On its face there seems to be no sensible reason for why anyone would do it.
1. It couldn't be the the pleasure of playing on it because, as of the time of its launch, it ain't got no games.
2. It also couldn't be the plaesure of opening a box. Everyone has boxes at home that they could put stuff in and out from, but nobody does that because that would be stupid.
What is attractive about this ritual (most people would agree that that's what it is) is the invisible surplus enjoyment that you get from this heavily marketed, socially relevant and linked to a past meaningful background commodity.
It's a ritual for summoning fiery winds which scorch the forests of hope. Please be considerate of their residents.

-=- 22/12/20 -- 00:14 -=-


When the glass object turns out to be a plastic object, that's when you know that it can't get much worse than this.

-=- 21/12/20 -=-


bun

-=- 17/12/20 -=-


Life is a stage play, where the backdrop is made of painful existential dread and the props and figures are the "positive emotions" that place themselves, on the stage, in front of the background.
None of those props and figures can deny or nullify the existence of that background, only obscure it.
I usually try my best to give my audience a good show.


-=- 17/12/20 -=-


Historecently, December has been a month where my bodily functions start to curl up.
An abiltity I dub the "Final Stint", preventing me from taking hold of my destiny and sending me into an abyss with no negative x.
It is truly a fascinating thing, as I have discussed with other individuals, also of the emitting kind, periods like these vary from person to person. The same is also true for the opposites.
The counterpart of my narcissus month (very symbolic for the winter season) for example, would probably be the two changing-phases between the seasons of spring/summer and fall/winter (not too far from my weak point then). The interesting thing is that these tween-dimensions, to an extent, reflect the mood of my outer spirit, that of an intermediate modest horror.
What is your flowering season?


-=- 17/12/20 -=-


Concept-Image of a lunarian warrior.